Tip 4: Friendship Trapping

You probably think I’m joking or writing a post that’d probably say: 1) Don’t be ugly, 2) Be pretty, and 3) Meet other pretty people, but nahhhh… I mean as good as that list, I’ll give you future study abroad-ers some insight on how to start a group of humans to connect with and maybe end up making BOMB MEMORIES with during your fun, and even mellow times in South Korea. THE FIRST 2 WEEKS ARE CRUCIAL FOR ESTABLISHING FRIENDSHIPS SO YES COME DURING THE MOVE-IN DATE OR SOONER!!! So, from my experience on how not to come off as (too) desperados I present to thee, Friendship Trapping~

First of all:
Small talk like there’s no tomorrow. Have you heard of “Hi, I’m ___. What’s your name? Where are you from?” Because these will be your 3 go-to liners with every human you meet for the next semester you’re hither. Maybe even a year if you’re a lucky hoe that’s staying longer, but majority of your shot gun method of making friends is the 1st 2 weeks. When you’re in line for checking in to the dorms, just smile, and if you make eye contact with someone say “Hey” or ask them when they got there. If they look like they’re not a psycho-murderer, or angry bloke that can’t handle your face, just stop talking. But if they look chill and pretty happy that you initiated human interaction, just chit chat and see if it gets to anything more, like sharing Kakao Talk info.

Second of all:
Get a Kakao Talk ID. Yes yes besides Kakao Talk (the app; it’s free bro don’t worry), you want to create an “ID” which can be done easily under the “My Profile” section of the app. This makes it 10x easier to let others add you to their Kakao and then BOOM! Friendship!!! Now you can group chat or single chat it up to eat with another human, rather than stay forever alone. YAY FRIENDSHIP!

Third of all:
Get out there! Like.. PHYSICALLY. Seriously just embrace the world that is gonna be your new environment for the next 4 months so you can actually see things, run into other abroaders/non-abroaders, and don’t worry about doing solo-wolf pack stuff. Because the next 2 weeks everyone else is also looking to meet others. You can be making a free bank account at Woori Bank, and BAM! You small someone while waiting in line and eventually you hit it off and DING DING DING!! Lunch mate achieved! You’re going out to explore the campus and see 3 wandering, lost souls. TARGET ACQUIRED. Help the CRAP out of the hoes and since maybe you’ve already explored a tad of the campus, you’ve just earned some brownie points and FRIENDSHIP! YES!!!

Fourth of all:
Be a nice motherbugger to ANYONE and EVERYONE. I’m serio on this one. You don’t have to go out of your way to do everything like a slave, no that’s not what I meant. What I mean is, if you have the time and you can show another decent person another hand to say press the elevator button, or escort them to the dorms, or maybe even converse back with them if they initiate small talk, then follow Nike and JUST DO IT! Being nice really gets you far especially if you’re planning future vaca-ing and just befriended and AWESOME GROUP OF HOES that now are inviting to hook you up with a meal, stay, and/or helping hand at getting around Spain or Singapore. And remember, with making friends and building that up, you soon shalt be getting to the befriending of MUTUAL FRIENDS.

Fifth of all:
Join clubs, activities, lunches, outings, or anything that comes up and gives you the chance for making more friends, or figuring out if the unlucky humans that have been caught into your friendship trap are fun for what kind of activities you want to do soon, or if they’re completely going to ruin your study abroad experience. Por ejemplo: Mary likes sugar, spice, and everything nice. LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE NEVER EATING ALONE AGAIN. Lauren was an ex-pro ping pong player. LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE GONNA GET YOUR EXERCISE AND FREE PING PONG LESSONS. Nicola is very good at Korean and knows her way around the subways and Sinchon area. LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE FOUND A HUMAN YELP AND NAVIGATOR.

Sixth of all:
Cut all ties with CLINGERS! Yes… With studying abroad and the feeling of Freshman year where errybody be desperate hoes for attention and companionship, there be those annoying flies that will stick to you like superglue. These hindrances may fatally ruin the friendship game once others “couple” you two up as ALWAYS being together, but in actuality you’re trying to meet other humans. RIP THAT SHIZZ OFF and establish that you ain’t their siamese twin, because you might just miss out on the friend that could’ve hooked a sista up with the Brazilian models from SK Global just because that almost-friend doesn’t like the parasite that’s been leeching onto you for your companionship or even to easily make friends off of your friendships. But if you’re the clinger.. STAHP! NOT COOL BRUH!!!

THE 5 DON’Ts:
So you thought I was gonna get into the bullet point for my amazing advice, but first I’mma give a heads up on WHAT NOT TO DO in summation for my beautiful, lazy hoes. Ready? Leggoo

  • Don’t be THAT GUY or THAT GIRL. So you know THAT GUY who ends up randomly coming up to a laughing group and starts randomly laughing with them? Or THAT GIRL who randomly sits herself down with a group that’s eating already and doesn’t ask to join? WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD! You’re gonna be MARKED as the WEIRDO. Don’t follow Nike’s on this one. JUST DON’T.
  • Don’t playing “Handsy Hannah.” So you know how different people have different comfort zones when meeting STRANGERS for the first time? DON’T TOUCH A HOE THAT DON’T WANNA BE TOUCHED. Handy Hannah be THAT HOE that’s hugging everyone closer than a sorority sistaa when the friendship has BARELY begun. Or barely even been established? You’re now “What’s-her-nuts” and people gonna be avoiding you like Bubonic Plague.
  • Don’t be a desperate hoe and ask for personal information TOO FAST. Or don’t ask until they ask if you’re nervous about being the desperate hoe. Let’s just say there was this one chick living off campus and she wanted to make friends at Mach 5 and IMMEDIATELY would ask for contact info, Kakao ID’s, and facebook’s from people she had only greeted and said “Hi.” to. How bout small talking first, seeing if the friendships gonna lead to lunches or outings at the amusement park, or ANYTHING of similar interest before getting or giving out personal contact info MMm’kay?
  • Don’t be the “contented hoe.” The contented hoe is that one dude who thinks, aite I got my possy down. I now know a mini-group who will do everything with me now from lunching to traveling with. HOLD UP! This ain’t some 3 Musketeers life. People have different interests, won’t always do the same things at the same times you want, or sometimes want to make other groups of friends. DON’T BE THE CONTENTED HOE unless you want to be forever alone again or just plain piss people off. Your roomie ain’t hanging with you 24/7 got it?
  • Don’t be the “mutual friend-er.” This parasite known as the “mutual friend-er” doesn’t know how to make his/her own friends, or is too lazy to, and then opts with meeting his/her roomie’s or friend(s)’s friends. WE HATE THIS! Everyone’s a grown-up now, and it’s time to learn to make your own friends. Not parasite your way into hard-earned friendships. Learn for Baby Jesus’ sake to just small talk or ask new friends out to lunch or ask what they’re up to. As Roman Bulkin said in “Be Cool”.. “BE COOL, N-word.”

Summary for Lazy Hoes:

  • Small talk it up when you have the chance
  • Be nice to anyone and everyone
  • Get BOTH the Kakao Talk app and create an ID
  • Get out of your room, the dorm, and just physically OUT THERE
    • But also get out there with your personality and all that jazz
  • Join clubs, activities, lunches, outings, etc.
  • Don’t be afraid to do things alone (because eventually you may run into someone else)
  • Share and meet other mutual friends
  • Cut all ties with CLINGERS / Don’t be a motherbugging clinger
  • Don’t be “THAT GUY” or “THAT GIRL”
  • Don’t be a desperate hoe
  • Don’t be a touchy hoe / “Handsy Hannah”
  • Don’t be the “contented hoe” who doesn’t want to branch out and make other friends since she things it’s gonna be ring-a-round the rosie with her roomie and 1 amiga she came hither with
  • Don’t be the “mutual friend-er” who doesn’t want to do any work in making friends and would rather be the parasite who continually meets a friend’s friends

So I write this list because there seems to be an influx of humans that should be ADULTS by now that should know the game to meeting and friend trapping others. Apparently being thrown in another country has handicapped study abroaders into the freshman state of making friends or something because I am NOT having it with the clingers and mutual friend-ers. Cast your nets and pray that you catch a Brazilian model, ex-pro ping pong player, or a hook-up to a Euro-Trip.

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